Being “The Only One”: Lessons in leadership, integrity, and resilience

Showing up and leading with intention

Throughout my career as a product leader, I have often found myself in rooms where I was the only Black woman, or the only person of color, present. While this reality has shaped many of my experiences, I have never allowed it to dictate the quality of my work or the standards I hold myself to. Instead, I have focused on consistently showing up prepared, doing the work with care, and leading in a way that allows others to feel safe enough to ask questions, raise concerns, and say no when something does not feel right, even when it would be easier to go along with the majority.

Over the years, I have intentionally worked to become the kind of leader I would want to work for: one who prioritizes their team, values honesty, and understands that leadership requires courage, especially when the truth is inconvenient. I have also learned that surviving and thriving in these environments is not something you do alone. Seeking guidance from mentors, leaning on allies, and building relationships with sponsors who can advocate for you behind closed doors has been critical. Their perspective, encouragement, and willingness to challenge my thinking strengthened my resolve and helped me navigate moments that felt isolating or professionally risky.

I have learned that when someone wants a job more than they want their integrity, reputation, or sense of self, it becomes easier to stay silent, overlook issues, and slowly become complicit in decisions that ultimately harm customers, teams, or the organization. This reflection explores leadership through my own experiences, shaped by moments where doing the right thing was not always the easiest or safest choice.

Choosing integrity when silence is easier

There have been several defining moments in my career when I faced a choice between protecting my own interests and speaking up about issues I knew would have negative consequences if left unaddressed. In each of those moments, I chose to follow my moral compass and hold myself to what I call the mirror test, where I ask whether I can look at myself at the end of the day and stand behind the choices I made. That commitment has guided me even when it resulted in discomfort, criticism, or professional risk.

When I uncovered problems that negatively impacted customers or the organization, and sometimes both, I chose honesty and transparency. While some leaders appreciated my willingness to surface issues early, others viewed it as disruptive or disloyal. I have been labeled difficult, accused of not being a team player, and positioned as a troublemaker simply for raising concerns that others preferred to ignore. In one instance, my manager attempted to terminate my employment, framing my efforts to address practices that were harming customers as a reflection of poorly representing her leadership rather than an act of accountability.

These experiences reinforced for me that how leaders respond in moments of truth reveals far more about their character than how they operate when things are going well. Leaders who choose silence, deflection, or blame when faced with difficult information often prioritize self-preservation over responsibility, while those who confront issues directly demonstrate integrity, trustworthiness, and reliability.

What ethical leadership looks like in practice

Leadership in product management requires more than strategic thinking or technical expertise. Good product leaders model ethical behavior consistently, both in visible decisions and in the quieter moments when no one is watching. They refuse to overlook wrongdoing even when doing so would benefit them personally or protect their standing within the organization.

In my experience, leadership often means standing firm in your values, especially when you already feel the added pressure of being closely scrutinized or isolated in spaces where you are underrepresented. It also means knowing when to seek counsel. There were moments when I needed to step back, consult mentors, and pressure-test my perspective to ensure I was responding thoughtfully rather than reactively. Having trusted advisors helped me sharpen my approach and reinforced that raising concerns is not the same as being combative; it is an act of stewardship.

Product leaders sit at the center of cross-functional teams, and those teams rely on them for clarity, transparency, and direction. Designers, engineers, researchers, and marketers want to understand how their work impacts customers and contributes to the broader vision. In moments of uncertainty, they look to their product leader to model how decisions should be made, particularly when ethical considerations are involved. Trust is built when leaders share information openly, acknowledge problems early, and resist the temptation to prioritize personal gain over what is right.

Lessons from hard decisions and harder exits

The lessons shared here come from repeated moments across my career where leadership decisions were driven by self-interest at various levels, including executive leadership, direct managers, and peers. In those moments, I raised concerns rooted in customer impact, product quality, and long-term sustainability, even when it created tension or professional risk.

While my perspective was not always welcomed, these experiences reinforced the importance of accountability and clarified when remaining in a role would require compromising my values. Being the only Black woman or person of color in the room was not always the explicit issue, but it often heightened the stakes and made the choice to speak up more visible and more costly.

What sustained me during those seasons was not just conviction, but community. Mentors reminded me of my long-term vision. Allies helped amplify concerns when my voice alone was not enough. Sponsors advocated for my credibility in rooms I was not in. Leadership can feel lonely, but it does not have to be solitary.

Looking back without regret

No one starts their day intending to make poor decisions or cause harm. Most failures stem from fear, ego, or the desire to maintain control. That is why leaders who are willing to say no, raise concerns, and address uncomfortable truths are essential to building strong products and healthy organizations.

In moments when I had to choose between self-interest and integrity, I chose to do what I believed was right, even when it meant walking away from roles or opportunities. I have no regrets about those decisions. While some leaders valued my perspective and commitment, others attempted to silence or remove me for refusing to compromise my ethics. Today, when I look back on my career and look at myself in the mirror, I see someone who remained true to her principles, endured adversity with resolve, and helped create space for others to lead with honesty.

The path has not been easy, but it has been worth it.

For those who find themselves being “the only one,” here is what I would offer:

• Anchor yourself in your values before you need them.
• Build relationships with mentors, allies, and sponsors early — not only when you are in crisis.
• Document your concerns and approach difficult conversations with clarity and facts.
• Seek counsel before making high-stakes decisions.
• Protect your reputation and your peace with equal intention.
• Know when staying requires you to shrink, and when leaving allows you to remain whole.

You do not have to sacrifice your integrity to succeed. You do not have to navigate hard rooms alone. And you do not have to regret choosing what is right over what is easy.