What (and what not) to expect from a product mentor?

We all need someone in our corner to help us raise our game. You may be fortunate enough to have peers at your level who you can turn to for support, but sometimes people feel that there are competing agendas or that they can't be totally candid with a peer internal to their organization.

But as we take on more leadership, the pressure on us increases and the number of people we can turn to for candid support decreases. It gets lonely and stressful, fast. By the time you reach a senior product leadership role, you likely have no peers at all and everyone is looking to you for answers. Especially if you are new to the role (or level), this is one of the most common times to seek external support. This support may be in the form of a coach, a mentor, or external peers at your level. I'm going to use the terms "coach" and "mentor" synonymously here, although a mentor tends to be a less intensive and formal relationship, while a coach is usually someone you have an official working relationship with.

Regardless of the form, this piece will cover how to approach finding and assessing support, what you should (and shouldn't) expect, and how to get the most out of it.

Finding the right coach is a bit like finding the right therapist. They need to be really good, and personal fit matters.

Expertise and focus-wise, are they qualified to help you with what you need? Can they actually help you with your challenges? Have they actually done it, or have they just read blogs about it or done a weekend certification? Look for proof of work: past results, sharing how they think, and an ability to rapidly find the heart of challenges.

You have to feel that you can trust this person and open your mind to them, and that they can meet you in that space. You don't need to be friends with your coach, but you need to respect their mind, how they think, and how they influence you to think differently.

There are many excellent ideas, books, podcasts, frameworks etc. out there. You've probably engaged many of them already. Expect your coach to be able to understand your context and help you customize and apply them to your unique situations. You don't want someone who can merely quote thought leaders or books at you, but lacks personal experience of translating the concepts into the messiness of the real world.

Expect your coach to be a strong thought partner and help you improve the quality and clarity of your thinking. Each coach or mentor has their own approach. Some are more like ICF-style executive coaches, who tend to focus coaching more on the person: their communication, inner game challenges (e.g. mindset, confidence, imposter syndrome), or interpersonal challenges. Other coaches are more like position coaches in sports, and are very focused on the craft, the work itself. My own style deliberately blends both coaching the person and the craft, as each is what's needed at different times to help someone raise their game.

Most good coaches I know start with an assessment, which yields a personalized coaching plan. Then, as we walk forward together, there tends to be a balance between proactively working the plan and reactively adjusting to the highest value needs of the moment. It's a good sign if you are outgrowing the initial plan and going into new areas. This means the relationship is working!

You should not expect your coach to come up with answers for you. Their role is to support you in creating your own answers. It's reasonable to provide their opinion, illuminating stories and examples, and to be a top-notch thought partner. But what to do is your decision to make. Similarly, while they can help hold you accountable and on track to your goals, you cannot abdicate responsibility for your goals to a coach and expect results.

Here are four simple, essential points for getting the most out of the relationship:

1. Show up to sessions prepared and having a sense of what you want to focus on that would be highest ROI for you.
2. Take massive action in between sessions. Otherwise you're wasting everyone's time.
3. Get their eyes on real work artifacts! It's easy to stay abstract, but often the moment you look at a real work artifact, the actual issues become clear.
4. Use the bat phone when you need it (but only if you truly do). Often the greatest growth comes amidst challenge, so if there is a serious situation that cannot wait, reach out to your coach. 

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